Cat Vomit

This rant has absolutly nothing to do about cat vomit. After all, this is my random little world. Anyhoo....

So I was doing my part to stay informed at CNN.com, and I came upon a surprising article. So the CDC issued a health report saying that Heroin users are being exposed to a dangerous additive. Let's go over this again, just so that I make myself clear. HEROIN users are being exposed to a dangerous additive. This is a breakthrough. The CDC, using the vast amount of resources at their disposal, have come to the conclusion that heroin users, the people violently forcing a drug comprised of plant extracts, chlorine, ammonia, and nitrates into their veins, are being exposed to a dangerous additive. Its fucking heroin!!!!! As far as I'm concerned, that is the dangerous additive!!!!!!! Believe it or not, I find little comfort in the fact that the CDC, the people that I depend on to protect me from ebola, are spending tax dollars to find out whether or not there is a growth hormone in heroin.

I also take little comfort in knowing that my president is out joyriding while we are at war. George Bush went on a 17 mile bike ride with Lance Armstrong on Saturday, in what he dubbed the "tour de Crawford". Here's an idea- how about instead of wasting time biking in the "tour de Crawford", you go on a "tour de Iraq" and see just how much you fucked them over.

And speaking of fucking, why do people use Trojan condoms? I personally would never, ever trust them. Let's take a look at the Trojan Horse story. Odysseus concieved a plan to present a horse as a gift to the city of Troy. What Troy dosn't know is that the horse is filled with little men, so that night when everyone is either asleep or passed out, these little men jump out of the horse, raid, pillage, plunder, and otherwise pilfer their weasly black guts out. This is how accidents happen. I would very much like it if my little men did not come spewing out of the horse in the middle of the night. I would sleep better knowing this.

Well, this is my rant for the day. Enjoy.

The combination of church and state (PART 2 OF 2)

It has been in my experience that people tend to have rather short attention spans, and to ask them to read a long article would be the same as asking the government to protect the constitution- far too much. Because of this, I shall now break down my longer rants into smaller, more managable pieces. And also cause it makes me feel special. But back to my rant...

So it seems to me that these people who want to teach intelligent design are trying to find a place for God in the government. These are the same people who wanted to place the Ten Commandments in front of our court houses, even thought only two of them are actually laws. I will be ok with this only when we have the Qur'an and the Bhagavad Gita right next to it. It really seems to me as thought this government favors this church. I was reading through all the laws regarding a sound permit the other day, and it said that you cannot use any sound amplifying equipment between the hours of 11pm and 8am, the only exception being EASTER SUNDAY SERVICES!!!!!!! Why does the church get speical treatment? There is even a debate over weather or not mosques should be allowed to play recordings of their prayers over loud-speakers during prayer times, because it could "disturb the peace". Church bells are the exact same thing, but with bells instead of words. And its all in arabic, so the white people who feel that the prayers are forcing words into their ears can go fuck themselves (this is one issue that really pisses me off).

And the people that are always praising Bush's faith-based initiatives piss me off. HELLO!!!!! 9/11 was a faith-based initiative!!! And when I say that, I don't mean that Islam is to blame. I'm saying that some sick fuck completely misconstrued the Qur'an and felt the need to kill people, kinda like Bush and the Bible. Bush wanted to amend the constitution so that it banned gay-marraige. Even though he never said it, im sure that that was also a faith-based initiative. If it weren't for the Catholic Church being so against gay marraige, then this whole thing wouldn't be an issue. Even still I'm surprised that it is, what with all the hypocrisy going on in the church. One lady sued the Catholic Church to get one of the preists to pay child support for his illegitement child. The Churches defense? You should have used contraceptives. Honestly, it's kinda sad when one of the biggest issues in America is gay- marraige. Bill Maher brings up a good point when he is asked why he cares weather or not gays should be able to marry, even though they have civil-unions. Why should gays have to be descriminated against simply because some prejudiced fuck stole the election?

Well, its 3 in the mornin right now, and I am way too tired to string together coherent thoughts, So I will finish this later.

Evolution vs. Naked Ladies and Talking Snakes (PART 1 OF 2)

So I was reading the latest Time, and there was a huge article discussing the debate over the teaching of "intelligent design" in our schools. What has really made this a big "controversy" is the fact that Bush supports the teaching of both sides. So basically, they want to teach creationism without the word "God". Now, let's review the facts.

The theory of evolution states that humans share a common ancestry with chimpanzee's, not that we have evolved from them. So that immediately removes the half-assed argument "If we evolved from monkeys, why are they still here?" It has been seen through out the fossil record that organisms have have gradually been getting larger and more complex. In the precambrian era, we see only bacteria and small microbes. As we move along, we see species becoming more complex, until finally we've reached the zenith, start declining and BOOM!!!- we've reached rock bottom and the only thing we can focus on is Janet Jacksons tit for half a second.

Intelligent Design states that organisms are too complex to have developed through evolution alone, and that some intelligent higher-being must have been involved. Like I said, creationism without the word God. In fact, there is no actual "theory" for intelligent design. There is no real evidence for it either. Basically, science has come upon something that it can't prove fully so people said "fuck it, this must be God". That just goes to show you how lazy America has become.

Some people say that there is no evidence for evolution, and when I hear that I honestly wonder if these are the crack babies I've read so much about. Hell, some people believe in micro-evolution, but not macro-evolution. Well, the surprising thing is, if you take a bunch of small changes, it eventually makes a big change. That is called addition and was in fact taught to you in kindergarten. That same principle can be applied to the formation of the eye. One cell micro-evolves to become light sensitive, and the one next to it does the same. The next the you know, all the cells are sayin "might as well jump on the bandwagon", and bada-bing-bada-boom, you have the eye. Of course that bada-bing-bada-boom probably took a few million years, and many creationists don't even believe the earth is that old. On that, I'm not even going to comment.

Save the planet... Kill yourself...

... such is the motto of the Church of Euthanasia, a church that believes that in order to save the world, humans should kill themselves. Why you ask? Well, it began with a dream... According to the website, founder Chris Korda had a dream in which an alien known as "The Being" came to him. The alien said he represents the human race in other dimensions and that the earths ecosystem was failing, but the leaders were lying to us about it. Chris then woke up moaning the motto, "Save the planet... Kill yourself". Don't believe me?http://www.churchofeuthanasia.org/history.html

Anyway, this church forbids members to procreate, and it encourages suicide, sodomy, cannibalism, and abortion. By sodomy, they mean drinking your own urine. They encourage you to mix a bit of your morning urine (in the morning, its better apparently) with some juice until you get used to the taste. Now, humans have spent millions of years evolving into what they are now. Liquids go in, piss comes out. Why fuck with that now? It has been that way for many years, and it seems to be working just fine. I trust evolution, and if it says piss comes out, then I think it should come the fuck out. As for cannibalism, well, do I really need to comment? It caused Mad-Cow disease among cattle, and humans are pretty crazy as they are. Nature has a few rules, and one of them is don't eat yourself. Thats not too big of a restriction, is it? Next comes abortion. Now, I'm pro-choice, not pro- abortion. That would mean that any woman having a baby should get an abortion, and well, that would include my mother who did, in fact, bring me into this world. Weather or not thats a good thing is up to you. Ooooo, and remember the alimighty "being" mentioned earlier? Well, we have pictures of him. > http://www.churchofeuthanasia.org/snuffit2/being.html

If a vacuum cleaner from the 1980's is the great intelligent being that represents us in other dimensions, then I wonder how intelligent that new Dyson is. Now, don't think that I'm picking on this religion only. Im only doing it because, well, its just so easy. I could write a similar rant about Christianity, Hinduim, or Islam, but I don't want to die. I figured an army of 10 people wouldn't bother me very much.


And also, why are fountain drinks so fucking big!?!?!?!? I was at the theatre yesterday, and my friend ordered a large Coke. But guess what, it came with a warning!!! The lady had to tell us that it wouldn't fit in the cupholder!!! I've been going to movies for a long time, and this is the first time that I have ever been somewhere that sells a drink to big for their own cupholders. Not wanting to hold his drink through out Stealth (which, by the way, is without a doubt the worst movie I have ever seen. I would rather dig a hole in my backyard), my friend went and got a medium. Guess what! That didn't fit in the fucking cupholder either!!!! What the hell!!! America is the fattest country in the world, and some people woder why. 2 out of every 3 american adults are either overweight or obese. In 1972, americans spent 3 billion dollars a year on fast food. Today, we spend more than 110 billion. And you wonder why America is so fat. In fact, if left unchecked, obesity will become the number one cause of preventable death in america, even above smoking. Now thats a scary fact. But on a brighter note, at least no one will die of second-hand obesity.

Freedom, you say?

In case you haven't noticed, I am a very liberal person. Being one, I am pro-choice, all for gay marraige (maybe they can get it right), all for euthanasia, and all that good stuff. Bush, of course, is against all of these for reasons that I completely disagree with. While selling the war in Iraq to the American people, Bush constantly preached, "they hate us for our freedom!". I say, lets keep it that way. It seems to me that Bush is trying to get us on friendly terms with the middle east by taking away the freedoms they supposedly hate is for. It kinda makes you wonder why they dont have any beef with Amsterdam...

Anti-gravity and the struggle against extremism

If you think about it, anti-gravity is a misnomer. Generally, it is used to suggest the absence of gravity, weightlessness. As it is, anti-gravity would be implying that there is a force pushing you up, so you would have a negative weight.

And also, what is this thing with renaming the war on terror a "struggle against extremism"? It seems that the Bush administration is trying to win support for the war in Iraq, and if you ask me, they are getting pretty desperate. In case any children reading this were left behind, remember, the founding fathers were considered quite "extreme". So were the civil rights movements and Gandhi. All of these were revolutionary, and I doubt the Bush administartion thinks of any of these as "bad". Without Gandhi, the British would be hogging all our outsourcing resources. God forbid our customer service calls are answered in America. But this isn't the first time a government has employed the technique to win support for a war. I saw it once before on some old news reels from the 1940's. I didn't understand them though, because they were in German. If the government wants to win public support for the war in Iraq, I have some advice: do something right. As Bill Maher pointed out, the Abu Grab-ass prison scandal was exactly what the Iraqi people feared would happen- that they would be humilated and that some red-necks would blatantly disrespect their beliefs. Now, the goal for the war in Iraq is something that I like- trying to make the world a safer place. Well, we have Saddam Hussein, but we also pissed the fuck out of a few million people. A safer world, you say?

Beer and getting Neutered

Why do they sell beer at gas stations? Especially at gas stations on interstate freeways. I was on the I-5, stopped at a gas station, and I noticed that they were selling bottles of beer, the big ass kind. There were 42,643 drunk driving fatalities in 2003, and some people wonder why? The fact that we are selling the shit on the side of the road might have something to do with it. If im driving down the I-5 at 90mph, I dont want anyone within a mile of me to have any alcohol in them. Im sorry, but I dont want to die a horrible, horible death in a mangled heap of imported metal with a toyota logo shoved up my ass. Not yet.

And also, why is it that people who are against stem-cell research because it "kills a life" say nothing about the neutering of an animal or a guy getting a vasectomy? If stem-cells kills a life, then either of those would be killing about 20 million. That makes the doctor kinda like Hitler. Or Bush.

Well, that was my rant for today. Farewell.