I'm so confused!!!!!!!!!!!!

Coldplay once said "We live in a beautiful world" in their song entitled none other than, beautiful world. Ha, I think not. We live in a confusing world, where nothing seems to be accepted. You do one thing, and it’s bad. You do the opposite, and it’s bad. You stay in the middle, and yes, that is also bad. Take for example, the problem of being an ass. If you have done something stupid in your life, chances are you have been called a dumb ass. This is quite an insult, because you are being called an ass, which is also known as a donkey, that happens to be dumb. Now, donkeys are not known so much for their intelligence as they are for the size of their cock. You are now a well endowed mammal with below average intelligence. According to George Bush, you are now a black man.

So obviously, being a dumb ass is bad. So let’s say that you decide to change things and you study real hard, get good grades, and you learn things that most textbooks don't know. So that friend that called you a dumb ass before, he goes and says something dumb himself. Being the good friend that you are, you decide to correct him, and the next thing you know, you are a smart ass. Now you are very well endowed mammal with above average intelligence. And surprisingly, this is bad. I am not here to fathom why that is, but we shall simply accept the fact that it is an insult and move on with our lives. So you were a dumb ass, and that didn't work out for you. So you learned some new things, and now you are a smart ass, which is also not good. So you take the next logical step and go down the middle road. Now you are just an ass. Girls think you are an ass. Guys think you are an ass. You are a well endowed mammal of average intelligence. You evil, evil person.

Please explain to me how we are supposed to please anyone in this world of dumb asses, smart asses, and just plain asses. It seems impossible to please anyone today, because there is always something wrong with you. If someone is fat and ugly, they get lipo-suction and implants. Now they are like a Barbie doll or Pamela Anderson- Plastics make it possible. A guy is old and balding, so he gets Rogaine or hair plugs. Now he is a fake. "We live in a beautiful world"? You know who lives in a beautiful world? People in Amsterdam. They live in a fucking georgeous world. Moral of the story? Don't go to Amsterdam, I want it all for myself. (And now I’m a selfish, greedy, capitalist pig)