a message to my readers

This blog is one big joke. I am not trying to push any political agenda or convert anyone to any religion or political affiliation. While I may bash a religion, country, person, state, or whatever, that doesn't mean that I have anything against them. I will bash myself just as quickly, and if any of you want to insult me, go for it. This blog is only to make you laugh, and I hope it does. Don't be insulted when I make racist remarks or if I insult anything you happen to like. You gotta be able to laugh at yourself, so don't take offense to anything I say the same way I won't take offence to anything you say about me. I am not trying to make any valid argument with this blog, no matter how much that may seem. This blog doesn't accuratly reprsent my acutal political and religious views. I love everyone. That being said, fuck Bush.

Its official...

... America is the stupidest country in the world. A recent poll found that 55% of Americans believe in Creationism, 65% want Creationism taught along with Evolution, and 35% want only Creationism taught. Ok, either you learn the Bill of Rights and the Constitution or you can't vote. It seems the concept of seperation of church and state, one of the very principals this country was founded upon, is lost on the people that want creationism or intelligent design taught in schools. But at least something is being done about this. Some parents in Pennsylvania are suing the school board over their decision to teach "intelligent" design alongside evolution in the class room. Evolution deals with monkeys and apes, which are about 300 times stronger than humans. Evolution better fucking win. Anyway, these parents are being represented by the ACLU, because the teaching of intelligent design is a violation of the separation of chruch and state. The school board is being represented by the Thomas More Law center, a Michigan based non profit orginazation which says it uses litigation to promote "the religious freedom of Christians and time-honored family values."

Wait a minute....WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!! I have a few things to say about this. Firstly, it seems to me that "religious freedom" for these "Christians" means religious intolerance for anyone else. They walk around saying that they are being discriminated against, and that they are loosing their way of life. To that I say fuck you. You wanna know who's being discriminated against? Anyone who looks like they might be from an area around the middle east. Basically, me. I get stopped at airports all the time, I get my slippers and belt X-rayed, I get my bag searched, and I get frisked by sexually frustrated old ladies. I actually find it all quite amusing, because it just shows how much the terrorists "haven't changed our way of life".

Secondly, why is the school board, a GOVERNMENT organization, being represented by a christian law firm? Why is the government trying to preserve the "Christian way of life"? By using their logic, I should sue the government because I am trying to preserve the liberal way of life. I don't see where conservatives get their arguments on social issues. As a liberal, I am trying to give people MORE freedom socially. After all, America is the land of "freedom", isen't it? Conservatives are trying to take away peoples rights, all so they can preserve "their way of life", because God knows that two guys making out in San Francisco is going to affect a family of four in Kansas.

Texas is the real mystery

Disclaimer- I really have nothing against Texas or anyone that is from Texas. From what I hear, it is atually a very nice place. So please, if you are from Texas or area big fan of Texas, dont any anything I say here serioulsy.

Many people say that everything is bigger in Texas, and I am about to prove them the fuck wrong. Everything else in Texas may be bigger, but they are definitely lacking in one aspect- intelligence. The average IQ of a Texan is 92, which is below the average intelligence level of a normal American- and that is saying something. The average IQ of a person in America is 100, so Texas falls 8 points below the average. Now, in any case this is not a good thing, but with Texas, it’s even worse. You see, normally when a state kills off its entire retarded population, the average IQ tends to go up. Clearly Texas did something wrong. It’s ironic, because it seems people killing off the retarded people have turned out to be retarded themselves. Hopefully, for the state of the union, they will continue with this trend.

With an average IQ below that of the rest of the nation, only stupid things are bound to come out of Texas. Using George Bush as an example would be redundant, but I hate him so I'm going to do it anyway. Guess what George Bush's IQ is? (Hint- you can't have a negative IQ) Give up? It's a whopping 91. John Kerry's? 128. Clinton's? 182 (a fucking genius). It gives me great pleasure to state that I, and all of you reading this blog (yes, even you Manoo) have a higher intelligence quotient than George Bush. Both of them. How do I know this? Because you can read. Basically, Bush is an idiot. Want more proof? Google failure, and look at the first thing that comes up. It’s Google. It’s word is law.

Just for reference, mental retardation is between 75 and 85 points. Mississippi has an average IQ of 85. They voted for Bush. In fact, the stupider half of the nation voted for Bush, and won!!! This is easily explained by the fact that this is America, and if you were to divide it into stupid and smart, it would come out to a 75-25 split. But still!!!! The fact that the idiots of America run this country is outrageous!!! The average IQ of the stupidest state that voted for Kerry was 99. The highest average IQ of a red state was 100. Do you see the problem here?

Smart people voted for Kerry, but they were so heavily outnumbered by the dumb fucks of this nation that they lost. The notion that a Democracy can forward a nation in this situation is insane. I think that is why America is ruled by corporations. The founding fathers said “fuck it, this experiment failed”, and gave America to Halliburton. What California should do is hope to God we break away from the contiguous United States, so we can start our own country where the currency will be bills with a picture of a gas station on it.

Random thought- Why does Bush, and everyone else for that matter, always refer to the people of the United States as “Americans”? When Bush says “My fellow Americans”, he is actually saying “My fellow Canadians, Mexicans, Brazilians, Puerto Ricans, Nicaraguans, Peruvians, Chileans, Columbians, Venezuelans, Argentineans, Paraguayans, Uruguayans, and any other country in the western hemisphere of the world”. This can’t be right, seeing as he is affiliated with the party that fucked up El Salvador, Nicaragua, and many other South American countries. Someone should correct him, but then of course they would be arrested on suspicion of terrorist activities and detained in Gitmo for the next 14 years, waiting for their trial while being molested by sexually deviant guards. Anyhow, I hope you enjoyed. And yes, I know I contradicted myself with this random thought. It’s my blog. Get used to it.

I'm so confused!!!!!!!!!!!!

Coldplay once said "We live in a beautiful world" in their song entitled none other than, beautiful world. Ha, I think not. We live in a confusing world, where nothing seems to be accepted. You do one thing, and it’s bad. You do the opposite, and it’s bad. You stay in the middle, and yes, that is also bad. Take for example, the problem of being an ass. If you have done something stupid in your life, chances are you have been called a dumb ass. This is quite an insult, because you are being called an ass, which is also known as a donkey, that happens to be dumb. Now, donkeys are not known so much for their intelligence as they are for the size of their cock. You are now a well endowed mammal with below average intelligence. According to George Bush, you are now a black man.

So obviously, being a dumb ass is bad. So let’s say that you decide to change things and you study real hard, get good grades, and you learn things that most textbooks don't know. So that friend that called you a dumb ass before, he goes and says something dumb himself. Being the good friend that you are, you decide to correct him, and the next thing you know, you are a smart ass. Now you are very well endowed mammal with above average intelligence. And surprisingly, this is bad. I am not here to fathom why that is, but we shall simply accept the fact that it is an insult and move on with our lives. So you were a dumb ass, and that didn't work out for you. So you learned some new things, and now you are a smart ass, which is also not good. So you take the next logical step and go down the middle road. Now you are just an ass. Girls think you are an ass. Guys think you are an ass. You are a well endowed mammal of average intelligence. You evil, evil person.

Please explain to me how we are supposed to please anyone in this world of dumb asses, smart asses, and just plain asses. It seems impossible to please anyone today, because there is always something wrong with you. If someone is fat and ugly, they get lipo-suction and implants. Now they are like a Barbie doll or Pamela Anderson- Plastics make it possible. A guy is old and balding, so he gets Rogaine or hair plugs. Now he is a fake. "We live in a beautiful world"? You know who lives in a beautiful world? People in Amsterdam. They live in a fucking georgeous world. Moral of the story? Don't go to Amsterdam, I want it all for myself. (And now I’m a selfish, greedy, capitalist pig)

Skizzle for the Mizzle

I think the pot is finally getting to snoop dog. It has long been known that pot kills brain cells, and prolonged use of it can infact lower your mental age. Some people who have been using pot long enough lack the mental ability to solve fraction problems. Unfortunatly, I believe this has happened to the Great Dogg. When Snoop introduced the suffix "izzle", I didn't think much of it. As usual, he was pounding out hit after hit, and this seemed like the next step. Oh, how wrong I was. I believe that, and this may be shocking to some, Snoop Dog has forgotten how to rhyme. He just created "izzle" so he can rhyme anything and make it sound cool. "Fo schizzle my nizzle"? What the hell is a nizzle? I really can't think of any word in the english language that could possible fit into that suffix. The favorite word among rappers could fit, but I am not at liberty to say it because I have grown quite fond of breathing over the years, and would like to continue to do so for many more to come. Now, I love Snoop. He is without a doubt one of the greatest rappers in the world, but lets face it. The man is getting old. He spent more money than most people make in a year on a bus to take his kids to their football games. He has kids, and they play little league football. He's old.

And on a completely random note, pistachios. The word reminds me of a potato mustache. And they make you thristy. Eat pistachios. They are good for you.

That paragraph was kinda pointless, so I will now attempt to find a topic on which I may elaborate. Hurricane Katrina. Bad shit. People are dead, people are dying, streets are flooded, black people are looting while white people are searching for food. Its just not a good situation to be in. Even worse is how the government is handling it. It took a 4 days for bush to form a plan on how to deal with Katrina. It really makes you miss the good ol' days when he only sat on his ass for 7 minutes. But he figured that he had time. After all, Jesus did walk on water. Ohh, but now Bush is blaming the states, and even the victims of Hurricane Katrina. He was saying that they should have evacuated when they had the chance, and made it to safety. Bush cannot possibly fathom why they didn't jump into their 70,000 dollar Range Rover and drive off to saftey. Hmm.... I wonder if Bush plays chess with Jesus.... I wonder if Bush knows how to play chess.... Anyway, my thoughts are straying. Well, with any luck, Bush won't declare war on Mother Nature for being, well, better than us.

And I apologize if this is the worst blog entry I have done. My agent (manoo) pressured me into updating. He is a good guy. He has a way with the ladies. And dont despise him.